


Dastardly Allergies

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Wacky Races
Genre: Allergies, Comedy, Dogs, Gen, Humor, Male Sneezing, My First Work in This Fandom, Racing, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 16:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: Dick Dastardly suffers from his terrible, sneezing pollen allergies. This was a commission for someone on DeviantArt.





	Dastardly Allergies

"Ugh!" Dick Dastardly groaned as he sniffled, his nostrils flaring up for a brief moment. "Not again..."

Muttley, Dastardly's canine sidekick, turned his head to look at Dastardly, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. His master was sniffling and rubbing his nose with his arm, trying to get rid of that annoying tickle in his nose.

"Muttley, it's that time again. The time that I dread most of all..." Dastardly muttered, his nose continuing to twitch.

"Hmm?" Muttley asked, wanting to know what said time was. But he was a little too late to ask that now, because Dastardly was feeling a sneeze coming on.

"Aaaaaah..." Dastardly suddenly tilted his neck back as his arm slipped away from his twitching nose. "Haaaaaaaaah..." He tilted his neck further back, his nostrils flaring slightly as he did so. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--!"

Realizing what was going to happen, Muttley grew an expression of fear and slid his forefinger under Dastardly's nose. The sneeze was stopped in its tracks, but Dastardly still had a sneezy expression on his face.

"Ah. Thanks," Dastardly weakly thanked Muttley for helping him out. For once, not only had Muttley actually done what he had wanted him to do, but it had finally worked.

Muttley smiled and pulled his forefinger away from Dastardly's nose. But just like that, Dastardly's sneeze returned, and he tilted his upper body as far back as he could. His schnoz rumbled, his nostrils flared up to several times their normal size, and he took a massive final inhale.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-- CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Dastardly shot his neck forwards as he let out a large, loud sneeze that caused the ground below him and Muttley to shake. Muttley's eyes were wide with disbelief and shock as he vibrated with the earth for a few seconds. When the effects of the sneeze subsided, however, he looked at Dastardly in slight concern.

"Ughhh..." Dastardly sniffled again, but this time, he rubbed his nose with his right forefinger.

"Gesundheit," Muttley said.

"Oh, how I hate this blasted pollen!" Dastardly said with another sniffle, and some more nose-rubbing. "It's driving my allergies crazy!"

It was the start of spring, a season Dick Dastardly absolutely hated. Not because he didn't like the nature, but because of something much more problematic - especially for his racing career. Dastardly had a severe allergy to all types of pollen, whether it came from flowers, trees or any other plant. His nose could sense even the smallest amount of pollen floating close to it, and just about every time it did, Dick would need to sneeze. His sneezes had always been pretty loud by themselves, but if even one of them was induced by a little pollen, they became explosive.

"How am I supposed to race when I'm like this? I'm an allergic, sneezing mess!"

Dastardly sniffled twice, trying to relieve his nose of the perpetual itching, tickling sensation that his allergies had cursed him with. But instead, he sniffed up a small amount of pollen, making his nostrils flare up. His eyes watered as his breath immediately hitched.

"Aaaaah... AAAAAAAAAH... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-- CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

This next sneeze blew Dastardly's legs right off the ground, which started to shake again. Muttley cringed a little as the sneeze was released, but not with as much shock as he did on the sneeze before this one. Dastardly lost a good amount of his breath as he landed on the ground. He picked himself up and rubbed his arm under his nose.

"Darned, rotten hay fever..." he muttered. "I might as well lose to this pollen faster than I've lost to any other Wacky Racer!"

Muttley placed his paw to his mouth and emitted his iconic snicker. He stopped, however, when Dastardly looked at him, glaring into his eyes with a look of seriousness on his face.

"Don't... even smile," Dastardly warned.

The Double-Zero Duo had a race coming up, and as always, they were determined to cheat their way to victory. They always failed during their past races (with one exception, which they didn't count), but they didn't care; they just kept trying. It was almost unthinkable that they were still allowed into the Wacky Races, even with all of the failures they had gone through throughout the years. But they were going to enter this race, and Dastardly absolutely wouldn't let his allergies get in the way.

A few minutes later, all of the Wacky Racers, in their cars, approached their starting line.

"On your mark, get set... Go!" the narrator called. The stop lights turned green, and the green flag waved, beginning the race.

All of the cars proceeded past the starting line, including the Mean Machine containing Dastardly and Muttley. "And they're off!"

The Mean Machine tried to surpass the other three cars up ahead of it, occasionally bumping into them in the process. But as it did, Dastardly - who was at the wheel - could feel a small amount of pollen in the air that was rushing past him. His nose shivered slightly in irritation, but he tried to ignore it at first.

But it gradually started to get worse, and Dastardly had to rub under his nose with his fist to satisfy it. He gave a sharp sniff and a groan of discomfort, letting Muttley know that something was amiss.

"Stupid..." Dastardly said to himself as his nostrils started to flare up again.

Knowing what was going to happen, Muttley reached over to Dastardly and rubbed his nose with his paw, trying to stop it from itching. It managed to keep Dastardly from sneezing, but the itch that had been bothering him was still there. He wanted to thank Muttley for his actions, but he decided to save it for last. He had a race going on right now.

Muttley pulled his paw away from Dastardly’s face for the moment, and the Mean Machine approached Penelope Pitstop’s car, the Compact Pussycat.

“Out of the way, Pitstop!” Dastardly called as he rammed into the Pussycat, damaging it slightly, but not severely.

“Well, excuse me!” Penelope responded, sounding irritated. “Why don’t you take some of my fresh flowers and leave me alone?”

Penelope pressed a button on her screen, and a panel behind the Pussycat opened. A mechanical hand, holding a bouquet of flowers, came out - to Dastardly’s horror.

“No! Not that! Anything but--” Dastardly didn’t get to finish his sentence, as a good amount of pollen from the flowers flew into his face. “Haaaaaaaah... aaaaaaaaAAAAAH...”

“M-m-Muttley!” Dastardly called. “H-heeeeeeEEEEEELP!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...”

Hearing his breathy call for help, Muttley quickly shoved his forefinger right under Dastardly’s nose. But it became clear that it wasn’t working. Dastardly’s nose was itching and tickling like crazy from the pollen, and his hitched gasps only became louder and louder.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!!”

Dastardly tilted his neck back, his nose reddening as it continued to twitch and quiver. Not wanting him to sneeze, Muttley reached his other paw to the bridge of Dastardly’s nose and pinched it shut, while still holding his forefinger under his nose. This was the only solution he could think of to save Dastardly from impending failure.

Then there was a long pause, and Dastardly opened his eyes slightly. His nose was still red, but his eyes were itchy and watery from the pollen. He wanted to say something, but all that came out was a weak, “Ugh...”

“Phew!” Muttley sighed with relief, and then pulled his paws away from Dastardly’s nose. Almost immediately after he said that, however, the urge to sneeze returned. And its intensity was even higher through the roof than it already was.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--“ Dastardly tilted his upper body as far back as he could, nose quivering and nostrils flaring as widely as they could go. Muttley heard the gasp and ducked, covering his ears with his paws. And then, it happened.

“CHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Dastardly exploded with one of the most loud and powerful sneezes he had ever released in his life, shooting his neck forwards. A pretty good amount of wind was expelled from his mouth with the sneeze, and it was loud enough to hear from several miles away. Also, the sheer force and power of the sneeze caused an explosion, which blew all of the parts away from the Mean Machine, until all that was left was the car seat Muttley and Dastardly were in. The other cars behind them passed them as they could only look on. They both looked defeated, but especially Dastardly. His allergies had won.

“Ugh...” Dastardly rubbed under his nose with one of his forefingers, sniffling as he did. “This is not my day.”

Muttley put his paw to his mouth and snickered again, just to add to Dastardly’s misfortune. To be fair, he knew that something like this was going to happen, somehow.

If you have allergies that make you sneeze, chances are that no matter how good you are at something, your allergies and sneezes will almost always get in the way.


End file.
